It is a little frustrating being an army wife. They aren't kidding when they refer to us as "ARMY WIVES". We are truly married to the military. What the military says, goes. In a way, it is a very submissive role. Not submissive between husband and wife, but between the couple and the military.
Not knowing when things are going to happen is one of the most annoying things in the world. It is very difficult to plan when you are dealing with the Military. I am the type of person who wants to make plans in advance and make sure that everything will go as the plans dictate. This is an impossible feat when you are married to the military. I have been in control of everything in my life for as long as I can remember. That is my personality. To take Control. I have always been like that. I enjoy being the planner and the "go to" person on making arrangements and decisions.
God is teaching me so much throughout my journey as a military spouse. I need to give up my control to Him. I do not have a choice in the matter. I can only do as much as I can and I must give everything else back to Him to take care of. This is a great life lesson, but a difficult one for me to apply in my life. I am always full of worries and stress and logically I know that these overpowerful feelings will have no bearing on the outcome of my life's events. But the stress and worry still comes to visit every now and then.
I believe that I am getting better, but I still have great room for improvement. I am grateful for the opportunities that have opened up for Reamer and I because of the military, but there still is a part of me that is having a hard time with dealing with the negatives. Especially with Reamer in Ranger School, and our Big move only around the corner. The unknown seems to be scary, but I know that once it comes it will go smoothly. I know that Reamer has found his true calling and that for the most part he is very happy as an Army Officer. I truly believe that this lifestyle will open doors for Reamer and I and will help us start our life as our own family. It is just taking some time to get used to. I love being married to my husband, but I didn't realize that I would have another marriage as well. But having a double marriage is definately worth it, because I have the best husband in the world. I can put up with my other marriage as long as my "true husband" is with me along the way.